// enterprise-grade coping solution
de
stress
.js
Professional Coping Simulator™ — web edition
v2.0.0 · MIT · no warranty · vibes-powered
// theme:
// rage meter (unit: grumps)
😤
65%
Moderate chaos energy. Classic Tuesday.
0
screams emitted
0
therapy sessions
0
haikus from pain
0
slack excuses
// select your coping mechanism
🎤
Scream into the void
classic · proven · free
🔮
Consult the ancient scrolls
wisdom from Stack Overflow c. 2014
🛋️
Budget therapy
licensed by: no one. endorsed by: a duck.
🌸
Haiku from the pain
5-7-5 syllables of catharsis
🧘
Mandatory breathing
replaces raise. HR insisted.
📨
Generate Slack excuse
copy-paste ready. no warranty.
📝
Commit message oracle
better than "asdf". we checked.
✨
Do nothing. Just exist.
we've all been this function before
💢
Add more stress
why. WHY would you click this.
🐥
Consult the Rubber Duck
certified senior developer. never judges. always listens.
✕ close session
Hello. I am the duck. Tell me about your bug.
I am listening. I have nowhere else to be.
// click the duck to squeak · it helps · science says so
destress.js — output
// waiting for your coping choice...
inhale...
// session history (persisted because trauma is permanent)
--:--
no activity yet. go press a button.